oh man. i'm so fucking tired. who would have thought staring at a computer screen while researching and trying to piece together a presentation on ASEAN and its dialogue partners would be so fucking draining. thought i could complete the whole damn project in time for choir, but it turns out i overshot by just slightly over an hour. yes, i was in the computer lab from 2pm to 7.30pm. yes, y'all can pick your jaws up from yer bruised toes now.

which brings me to choir. only five, or is it four more practices to go before our annual concert, after which - nothing. my days, my hours, my seconds in this strange and oddly mesmerizing world are drawing to an end, my borrowed time is up. the doors will slam shut soon in my face and i doubt if i'd ever have the opportunity or the strength and determination to open these doors again. i never thought way back in year 1, that i would grow so attached to this bunch of people - people i would never, ever have met in my circle of friends. and i'm so glad that i've forged strong friendships with some of them, and sad that i haven't had the guts or the opportunities to know others better, and even sadder yet that i feel the weight of the inevitable that will pull me away from all of this - from the music, from the people, especially the people. some of which i've only begun to know. and many others i fear i will lose touch with, especially those with whom i've only just begun to form such tenuous bonds.

another reason why i think i'm becoming so attached to the choir are the TYPES of people you find there - people with passion. i see in them what i used to see all around me, especially in secondary school and jc, i see in them what i used to feel. i see in some of them, the very feasible and very REAL opportunities to be able to live your dreams and that's such a rare thing, especially so when i look at old friends whose dreams came so close to working out, but didn't. look at our friends over at urban exchange - no one can deny that vanessa and kel have talent, real talent, the passion, drive and intelligence. yet, nothing really did come out of it, did it? they remind me so much of old friends, old times - happier times, moments i'd never get to relive again. of once-close friends, wicca and monty python days, illegal drinks and art, especially art.

i never thought i would be so sentimental about the whole affair. i'm the original stone hearted bitch - hell, i didn't even cry at the genting competition, even though i wish i could. but i think i will shed a tear or two at my last concert. my time is almost up.

"Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night."

Dylan Thomas

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